23 Signs You’re Missing Baseball
1. You’re starting to see everything in baseball terms. When your friend talked about getting to second base this weekend, all you could think of was Brandon Phillips. (Really dude, that’s messed up.) Furthermore, the answer on your crossword puzzle today was not the Mesozoic Earned Run Average. (Get it?)
2. Numbers take on a different meaning. Instead of driving down State Route 32 on my way to work, I was riding on State Route Jay Bruce.
3. You keep seeing all of those Cincinnati Reds commercials, and they’re bringing a tear to your eye.
4. You know the date and time of the first Spring Training game.
5. You’ve already downloaded the 2013 MLB At-Bat app.
6. Your favorite baseball/sports blogs are getting a spike in page views, because you’re constantly checking them for new information.
7. You have Goodyear, Arizona saved as a favorite city on your weather app.
8. You’ve already taken your jersey to the dry cleaner’s in preparation for the big day.
9. You’re watching baseball movies every night before bed, and quoting them in your daily life more than usual.
10. MLB Network is your lifeblood right now, and you’re counting down the days to the Reds’ feature on 30 Clubs in 30 Days. (Hint: it’ll be on in less than 30 days.)
11. You have frequently found yourself falling into a Reds internet black hole. You just wanted to remind yourself what Joey Votto’s BA was last year, and before you knew it, you were looking at pictures of Marty Brennaman’s wife on Google Images.
I mean, she’s really pretty but…just…what is this? I’m at a loss for words here.
12. You’ve actually started reading the reds.com email newsletter. I normally just delete them, but now they arrive in my inbox and I’m on them so quickly, you’d think they’d contain the answer to eternal life.
13. You’re starting to think you’re seeing the players out in public. I could have sworn I saw Todd Frazier at Kroger the other day, but just as I was about to tweet it, I remembered that he is in Arizona. Now I understand why the guy seemed so freaked out when I asked to take a picture with him. To be fair, I think calling the authorities was a little excessive, but I guess you haven’t lived until you’ve been in Kroger jail for harassing a fellow customer because you thought he was Todd Frazier.
14. You find yourself watching weird stuff on Fox Sports Ohio just on the off-chance that you’ll see something about the Reds. I watched two hours of UFC Ultimate Submissions last week, but that commercial with Thom Brennaman at the Benz dealership was totally worth it.
15. You went to Joe Morgan Honda just to be close to greatness. You promptly left when you realized that even though it’s Joe Morgan’s, it’s still a car dealership, and that’s somewhere no one wants to be.
16. You’re watching gangsta rap videos just to see people wearing part of the Reds uniform.
17. You’re convinced the Russian meteorite was actually a rogue Chapman fastball.
18. You’ve already started planning your Opening Day itinerary, right down to the foods and alcoholic beverages you’re going to sneak into the ballpark.
19. You’ve gotten really into the #JoeyVotto thing, even though you don’t really know what it is or why. (Seriously, can someone explain it?)
20. You’re promising yourself that you’ll actually follow Spring Training this year. (You won’t.)
21. You know what the number is for the Vegas over-under for the Reds 2013 season.
22. You’re telling everyone who will listen that “This is the year!”
23. You’re trying to find ways to work Cincinnati Reds baseball into every conversation. You may or may not be failing miserably.
Roommate/Significant Other: Hey, can you pick up toilet paper on your way home from work?
You: Sure! Say, that reminds me – you know who uses toilet paper? Ryan Hanigan.
Just stop – it’s getting awkward for everyone.
Ok, that’s enough of this nonsense. Baseball will be here before we know it so get back to work!