Guys, tomorrow is the day – the second-best event of all of December starts tomorrow at 3 o’clock: REDSFEST! (The first-best event of December is celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior. And Santa’s visit, obvs.) We attended our first REDSFEST (I think I’m going to use all caps every time I write it) last year and had an absolute blast.

My favorite way to describe REDSFEST is a Star Trek convention, except for baseball nerds. There are player appearances, special events, chances to purchase tons (literally, tons) of Reds memorabilia, and an opportunity to check out all the delightful people who make Cincinnati Reds baseball happen in our community. Last year, Angie and I even got picked  to film a promo spot for Fox Sports Ohio that actually ran! (My favorite thing was getting tweets and Facebook messages that said, “I think I saw you and your sister during the commercials of the Xavier game?” YEP THAT’S US.) Unfortunately, my sister won’t be joining me at REDSFEST this year because she has some finals to study for or some hard liquor to drink (oh, the life of a college student), so I’ll just have to film commercials without her. Hear that, Fox Sports Ohio? I’M READY FOR MY CLOSEUP!

Anyway, here are some things that I’m hoping will happen at REDSFEST (however unlikely):

- I get to join Bronson Arroyo on the main stage for our beautiful and haunting rendition of Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy”.

- I plan an elaborate ruse to sneak into the Celebrity Poker Tournament (I’d just register but I’m too poor). At the tournament, I win $7000 by picking up on Dusty Baker’s tell.

- I run into Homer Bailey in the lobby of the convention center, and he invites me out to lunch with him. Fifteen minutes into lunch, he realizes that he is completely smitten with my charm and good looks, declares his undying love, and proposes marriage. I accept, obviously, and live Happily Ever After as Mrs. Homer Bailey.

- I am randomly selected to win a new car. I choose the cash option and pay my rent for the rest of the year.

- The girl who plays Rosie Red is kidnapped (but only as a joke that her friends were playing on her, she’s totally fine and there’s absolutely no reason to call in Liam Neeson), and I am asked to step in as Rosie.

Yes, all of these things are very unlikely, and probably will not happen. BUT, REDSFEST is going to be fantastic anyway. Last year, I left with some great swag, a TV commercial, and of course, memories (all alone in the moonlight!) I encourage you all to buy your tickets RIGHT NOW (here’s the link, for those of you too lazy to Google it.)

I hope, nay, EXPECT to see you all there. Oh, and I passed on it last year (stupid) but this year, I’m hoping to buy a print of my favorite photograph from the Big Red Machine years: the one of Pete Rose and Tony Perez on the toilet. I’d post a picture of it, but few things make you feel creepier than Googling “pete rose and tony perez on toilet” while you’re at work. Especially since I’m a schoolteacher. 

Ok, gotta go, but I’ll see you all at REDSFEST! BYE!

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